


Nightmares

by PrimeBubbleLad



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Abuse, Comfort, Flashbacks, Hugs, M/M, Mention of abuse, Nightmares, Non-Binary Benrey, Other, PTSD, Panic Attack, Tommy is best friend, Violence, they/he pronouns for Benrey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:07:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25877158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrimeBubbleLad/pseuds/PrimeBubbleLad
Summary: Benrey has trouble sleeping, Tommy knows why and Gordon wants to find out.Starts in game then eventually moves to after game events.Will add more tags as updated
Relationships: Benrey & Tommy Coolatta, gordon freeman/benrey
Comments: 19
Kudos: 233





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First fic so hope I don't do too bad

Benrey rested their side on the wall, the rest of the science team were asleep in the room next to him. They couldn’t sleep, not anymore that is. They had woken up from a nightmare and had no intentions of going back to sleep, they instead had gone to the next room to not disturb anyone’s slumber. He would’ve liked to of just watched Gordon sleep, but they weren’t feeling well, not well at all. The nightmares just keep getting worse, why? They weren’t having this issue so much before, since fucking Gordon FEETman messed everything up. No, no he’s had these issues before, but they seem to be happening more. They lifted their knees to their chest, hugging them tightly. They tried to hum themselves calm with the sweet voice, it seemed to not work as well on himself as it did on others, fuck. Benrey sighed and accepted to just laying against the wall, hugging themselves tightly.  
...

The science team wandered through the never-ending facility, Benrey notably lagging. Gordon tried to ignore it, avoiding any indication of care to the other, Dr Coomer and Bubby chattering behind him while Tommy would take a glance behind him every now and then to make sure they hadn’t lost Benrey. Tommy was concerned and it grew each time he looked at them, Benrey’s eyes were darker and he was hunched over with their hands in their pockets. Tommy tugged Gordon’s arm.  
“Mr Freeman?” Gordon stopped walking and looked at Tommy.  
“Yeah?”  
“Benrey’s not looking too, too good, maybe we should uh, stop for a bit. To let him rest.” Tommy said, the others now stopping to look at Benrey. Benrey stopped and looked at them.  
“Yo.” Was all they said.  
“Are you okay?” Gordon asked.  
“Wha? Oh! Yes, I am.” He replied.  
“Do you need us to stop Benrey? To rest?” Tommy asked. Benrey shrugged and grinned.  
“Nah, I’m just bein slow, this walk is just boring ya’know?” Benrey joked.  
“Uh… Tommy why don’t you stay with him for a bit while we go search the area? We’ll be back soon.” Gordon said, Tommy nodded fast and went over to Benrey. Gordon looked worriedly as he noticed Tommy was right, he was not looking very good, he seemed paler than usual like he was going to be sick. Coomer and Bubby had already started walking on without Gordon; Gordon had to catch up before he got lost.

Tommy made Benrey sit down on one of the barrels.  
“Why you gotta do that man?” Benrey protested. “I’m a-okay, am in prime condition yo.” Tommy couldn’t help but giggle a little but still didn’t let Benrey get up.  
“Y-You’re not good at uh, at hiding things from me Benrey, you can fool the others but I uh, I know you because we’re good friends, and friends know these things.” Tommy said, Benrey sighed and looked away. He and Tommy had become friends soon after Tommy had started working there, they were close friends, they’d even consider Tommy a best friend. He didn’t see them as some weirdo, as some low paid lazy guard, he saw them as a person… as much of a person as Benrey could be at least.  
“You’ve been uh, having the bad dreams again?”  
Dammit, why did he have to notice these things. Benrey just nodded slightly, nervously fidgeting with his thumbs.  
“They uh, they getting worse? Like an infected burn?” Tommy comfortingly held Benrey’s hand, Benrey felt cold, a deep icky feeling in their stomach. He nodded.  
“Did one of the other uh, people we’ve passed hurt you?” Tommy asked.  
“Nah bro, they uh, they were very dead before they could even talk to me. I got good aim.” Benrey boasted, Tommy smiled a little, he didn’t like violence but… he was more okay with this, the people here did bad things to his friend. Not that the rest of the science team knew that, they didn’t understand. But Coomer and Bubby kill people as well, so it wasn’t posing much of an issue.  
“Why Gordie gotta get so, so mad when I kill them man? Why he so against me, I did nothin’. The hand thing was a complete accident man. Can he not see they can’t be trusted either?”  
“But uh, no one knows what happened, how would they know?” Tommy said. Benrey stopped their rambling and stared. Shit. He had a point.  
“Well uh… um… huh…” Benrey looked down and rubbed the back of their neck.  
“You uh, want Mr Freeman to hug you? To uh, make you feel all warm and safe like a newborn kitten getting hugs from its cat mum?”  
“… Wha?”  
“You want to tell Mr Freeman so he understands?” Tommy said. Benrey’s eyes widened.  
“NO!” Benrey shouted in slight panic, Tommy jumped back in surprise.  
“O-Oh..! Tommy I, I’m sorry…!” Benrey hugged Tommy, Tommy hugged them, he knew they didn’t mean it.  
“Its okay…” He said. Tommy rubbed Benrey’s back comfortingly, Benrey rested their head on Tommy’s shoulder and sighed. Benrey slowly melted into his friend’s arms, needing the comfort greatly. Tommy held them tightly.  
“It’ll be okay…” Tommy whispered, Benrey nodded.  
...

Gordon was getting worried, Tommy had been with Benrey for a good two hours at this point, was Benrey really sick? He looked over at Bubby and Coomer who were… breaking everything. They probably won’t even notice if Gordon quickly goes to check on Tommy and Benrey. He wandered through the halls, backtracking his steps until he managed to get to the room where they had left Tommy and Benrey, he slowly opened the door and peaked inside.  
Gordon was not sure what he was expecting to see, but he wasn’t expecting Benrey to be snoozing on the floor with his head on Tommy’s lap, Tommy keeping watch and resting his arm on Benrey’s back. They seem a lot… more peaceful like this. Gordon slowly tip-toed in as to not wake the sleeping… whatever Benrey is. Tommy looked up and made a small ‘shh’ motion. Gordon nodded and sat next to Tommy, he whispered.  
“What happened?”  
“I… I can’t tell you, its personal to Benrey.” Tommy whispered back.  
“What? He’s asleep though.” Gordon replied. Benrey squirmed a little but stayed asleep.  
“No, no I can’t go telling their secrets, it will hurt them. They have to tell you themselves.” Tommy said, Gordon sighed, as curious as he was to what was going on, he won’t force Tommy to break anyone’s trust. Even if its Benrey’s.  
“Will they be okay?”  
“Y-Yeah, they will be okay. Just needs rest.” Tommy smiled slightly, but then frowned, worriedly.  
“How uh, how long have you been friends?” Gordon asked.  
“Oh, uh, Benrey and I have been friends almost as soon as I started working here, they said I was the only one nice to them. And we just, hung out a lot, great friends, my dog likes them too.”  
“So, a while?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Right… Right.” Gordon watched Benrey breathe slowly as they slept.  
“You could ask them when they’re awake but maybe give them some time to rest, maybe wait until you’re better friends?” Tommy suggested.  
“Yeah… Yeah maybe that’s a good idea. What is it making him so tired?”  
“They uh, had bad dreams. Keeps them awake.” Tommy tried to keep it vague.  
“Benrey? Nightmares? They’re more of the reasons we’d have nightmares.” Gordon slightly joked, Tommy gave him a clearly unimpressed look, it unnerved Gordon quite a bit.  
“Don’t be so, so mean to them…”  
“S-Sorry… I just wouldn’t expect them out of all of us to be suffering those.”  
“You don’t really know them that well though…”  
Tommy had a point there; Gordon rubbed the back of his neck as his cheeks went red from slight shame.  
“Right… Right…” Gordon said, Benrey’s arms were wrapped around Tommy’s leg as they slept, Tommy smiled a little. He hoped Benrey may one day be rid of these nightmares.


	2. Comfort them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon stays awake to see if he can 'catch' Benrey having a nightmare

Gordon stayed awake this time, he had gotten extra rest so he could do so. The others were asleep in the dark and, hopefully hidden enough, room. Benrey had also been close by but was clearly separating themselves from everyone. Gordon hadn’t really taken notice of this until tonight, he took Benrey to be someone who’d of tried to be as close as possible, especially to him since the guy never left Gordon alone.

Benrey was curled up, eyelids twitching and their face scrunching as they snoozed, Gordon wondered what was going on in their head. Gordon decided to move closer, he sat beside Benrey’s sleeping body quietly as to not disturb them. Benrey’s nails had become claw-like, they were twitching and curling tighter, another nightmare it seems. Gordon wanted to wake them so they didn’t have to go through whatever nightmare they were having but restrained himself in case disturbing the human like alien would anger them. Gordon’s attention moved to listening as he heard Benrey mutter in their sleep, he couldn’t make out any words but their voice sounded like it was breaking or full of fear, not something he would expect which caused him greater concern what could possibly be scarier to Benrey.

Benrey squirmed and shuddered against the cold floor, their arms tightly wrapped around themselves and their legs frozen in place, their breathing quickened until their glowing yellow eyes snapped open as they gasped fearfully. Their gaze darting around the dark room as they panted from the fear.

“Benrey?” Benrey almost shrieked but covered their mouth, they looked up to see Gordon sitting beside them.

“… Yo. You, you tryna give a bro a heart attack man? Heh…”

“Sorry… You were just, you know, not looking very good.”

“I always look good, I am, special edition Benrey.” Benrey boasted, Gordon sighed.

“You looked like you were having a bad dream.” Benrey sat up, ignoring Gordon’s statement.

“Wha? I wasn’t listenin’.” Benrey said as they looked at Gordon. Gordon raised an eyebrow.

“Are you having trouble sleeping?” Gordon asked, Benrey shifted uncomfortably and looked away.

“Why you askin’ bro?” Benrey scratched at their arm a little. “You uh, you spyin’ on me? That’s a little gay man, Gordon Gayman spyin’ on his great friend.”

Gordon tried to not get frustrated at Benrey’s usual weird ass talk, he could see they were becoming anxious and getting mad will make them worse.

“Do you, want to take a walk? Hey stop scratching.” Gordon took Benrey’s hand into his. Benrey stared at his hand, they confusingly looked at his face, he’s seriously getting mushy over a little scratching?

Wait, Gordon had said something. What did he say……

“Wha…?” Benrey said, their eyes seem a bit distant. Gordon repeated himself.

“Do you want to take a walk? Like, get your mind off whatever it is.” Benrey wasn’t sure what to think, they just nodded slightly, closing his had around Gordon’s. Gordon was about to pull his hand away but now it was trapped in Benrey’s hold, great, should go before anyone woke up and asks questions. Gordon stood up and Benrey joined, he walked out the room with Benrey in tow.

Tommy’s eye was slightly open as he peaked at the scene as they left, a small smile appeared on his face as the went back to sleep.

Benrey and Gordon walked across the rails, Gordon noticed Benrey’s eyes glowing in the dim lights, they were… strangely beautiful? Gordon questioned himself for thinking that, he then looked down at their hands held together. He wondered if Benrey was just being weird or if it was helping.

Benrey was silent, they were unsure what Gordon’s motives were, he never willingly went alone with them without Benrey annoying him first. It was… nice… but suspicious. Very suspicious.

“So why ya draggin’ me out here eh? You uh, hehe, tryin' to hide how gay you are? You gay for lil ol’ Benrey?”

“Please don’t call yourself that ever again.” Gordon sighed, why do they have to be so fucking weird? Benrey chuckled at him. “I just thought you’d rather go for a walk instead of trying to go straight back to sleep, since you looked a bit… Upset.”

“I’m fine Feetmen, why do you care so much eh? You usually big meanie.” Benrey said, Gordon wondered if they’re serious or if they’re TRYING to be as annoying as possible.

“You don’t have to tell me what it is if that’s what you think I’m doing.” Gordon said.

“Uh, cool, cool. I wasn’t gonna tell ya.” Benrey scoffed. 

“So, you admit it was a nightmare.” 

Benrey paused. _Shit_

“… Not cool bro, bitchy meanie.” Benrey grumbled, looking away. Gordon stopped by one of the rails and rested his arms on the bar, Benrey copied him, still looking away. Gordon looked at the scratch marks on their arm, how sharp were those nails? If there were nails, more like claws.

“Why are your nails so sharp?” He asked.

“Told ya man, I’m uh, not human.” Benrey said, their tone sounding a little offended that Gordon forgot that.

“Still doesn’t answer exactly why but okay…” Gordon noticed how close Benrey was standing to him, their arms nearly touching. Benrey stared into nothing, while still suspicious, they were liking the quality time and that Gordon had suggested it in the first place, he was right that Benrey did not want to go back to sleep. Though Tommy was easier to talk to about it, it was nice that Gordon was somewhat caring about what was happening even if they weren’t telling him what it was.

But why did he want to help them? Benrey thought Gordon hated them, or something along the lines of that, as much as they wanted him to like them.

“So uh, um, why’d you suddenly, seem to like, give a shit?” Benrey asked, Gordon’s face went a little red.

“Well, just saw you looking upset and felt like I should try to help I guess…?” Gordon replied, not wanting to add he saw the last time when Tommy was holding a sleeping Berney.

“Lil gay bro… heh…” Benrey looked down, Gordon wondered what he should do to help.

“Hug…?” They asked. He guessed that was his answer. Gordon awkwardly at first put his arm around Benrey’s shoulders, Benrey scooted closer and pressed against his chest, Gordon wrapped his arms around them more confidently. Benrey felt sweet voice build up in their throat, they tried hard to keep it down, so they didn’t scare Gordon off. He felt warm, comforting, in a way safer than just curled up in the corner alone. Gordon softly petted Benrey’s back, looking down at the other whose face was buried in his chest.

“Is this uh… helping?” Gordon asked. Benrey went to answer but splurted out sweet voice instead. They covered their mouth quickly, calm green fading to pink orbs floating off.

“What does that one mean?”

“N-nothin’…!” Benrey laughed nervously, Gordon raised an eyebrow but kept his arms around them. He’ll just ask Tommy later.

“Okay?”

“B-but yeah it, its good bro… its poggers getting’ hugs yeah heh…” Benrey said, Gordon tried to not get a headache from Benrey’s strange talk. Benrey let themselves melt into the hug, they rested their hand on Gordon’s chest next to their face, the HCV suit preventing them from hearing Gordon’s heartbeat which was rather annoying, but it was better then nothing. Maybe after its all over…? Maybe then he’ll let Benrey hug him more. Maybe.

Gordon watched Benrey as they relaxed in his arms, this is the same guy that antagonises him constantly, the same guy that never shuts the fuck up about passports and he’s tried to get rid of multiple times. The guy he’s now holding and providing comfort to.

The same guy he now doesn’t want to let go of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Debating making a chapter purely on what Benrey's dreaming or save that until Gordon knows what's going on.  
> Eh.


	3. Chapter 3:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just more comfort stuff because my brain not working well.

Tommy and Benrey sat on a ledge with their legs hanging off the edge. The two of them watched as Gordon shot at the barnacles with Coomer and Bubby wrapped up in the ‘ropes’ shouting for Gordon to help them, well Coomer shouting for help. Bubby sounded like some screaming demon.

Benrey chuckled lightly at the sight but felt their stomach drop. Their chest was tight, and their head was filled with thoughts. Tommy looked at them in worry.

“You uh, alright?” Tommy asked. Benrey looked over and put on a fake grin.

“I’m uh, fucking amazing brooo, um. Great man. Super pog.” Benrey lied, Tommy knew but was unsure if he wanted to press them at the current moment. They seemed really on edge lately, maybe its from finally being able to kill all those guards and scientists. Gordon was the only one that objected to this, though Tommy understood why, he doesn’t know. Coomer and Bubby were fine joining in, they did not know the whole story but enough to not even want to try and stop Benrey. Though Tommy knew Benrey still doesn’t trust them fully like they did with him. Tommy then took notice of Benrey ogling Gordon again, a little smile on his face as he saw Benrey’s eyes brighten as they watched the shouting man below.

“You uh, gonna tell him?” Tommy asked, Benrey was not paying any attention whatsoever, completely invested in watching Gordon. Tommy lightly tapped Benrey’s shoulder, they jolted a little then looked at him.

“Wha?” They asked.

“When you gonna tell Mr Freeman you have feelings for him?” Tommy said, smiling. Benrey’s face darkened with blush as they stuttered, sweet voice floating out their mouth. Benrey covered their mouth but the sweet voice still fought to get out.

“I uh um uhh… Nah bro, not cool man, why you gotta call me out like that man.” Tommy chuckled at Benrey’s reaction.

“You uh, should tell him. You could be happy together! Isn’t that what love is supposed to do-mmff!” Tommy muffled as Benrey covered his mouth.

“Nooooo don’t say that shit out loud bro.” Benrey said, Tommy had an amused grin on his face, giggling a little when Benrey removed their hands.

“But he, he makes you happy! Like a uh, kid with large bowl of candy happy.” Benrey covered their face in shame. Tommy being one of the few who saw this side of them.

“And you make him laugh.”

“He laughs at everyone…”

“Yeah but, you included!”

“Shhhhh!” Tommy giggled again as Benrey tried to shush him. Benrey poked their tongue out at Tommy playfully and made a ‘bbbbb’ noise. They looked back down at Gordon who had successfully shot all the barnacles and currently giving Dr Coomer and Bubby an earful on NOT touching the ‘ropes’. Maybe he’d like Benrey’s rope-NOPE, focus, now is not the time. Benrey did however took a minute to observe Gordon, the HEV suit made it hard to really know what he looked like but his head sticking out the suit was good enough for now, it made them smile. Every detail of Gordon’s face they wanted to just download and save in a special folder in their brain, maybe print it to give his face smooches at night. Or maybe he’d give Benrey a little kiss, maybe that’d help them with the bad dreams, feeling safe and close to him. They sort of missed having night cuddles with Tommy but with other people around possibly going to give Tommy shit for it, they’ve tried to not ask. Tommy was a great friend.

-

Benrey gazed on the dead bodies, their back facing the group so no one could see the satisfied grin on their face. They kicked a dead guard in the face.

“Can’t uh, do much anymore can ya? Nah bro you’re fucken dead now.” They chuckled quietly. They felt stronger, free now that they can kill these people. They kicked off the guard’s helmet, blood splattered on its face from the gunshot wound.

“All those times you hurt me.” Benrey swung their leg and their shoe collided with the dead man’s face, a loud crack was heard as the nose broke in the kick.

“All those times I had to take your stupid orders!” Another kick, Benrey kept muttering words as they started to stomp on the guard’s face until it was a bloody pulp. Blood clinging to their shoe and spilling all over the floor.

“What the fuck is up with him?” Gordon asked, the four of them now watching Benrey as they stomped and kicked and mumbled. Tommy, Bubby and Coomer exchanged glances at each other, the older men mostly looking at Tommy to silently gesture that he should go talk to Benrey. Gordon was slightly concerned at the cryptic guard’s violent behaviour towards a dead guy, he followed Tommy when he noticed the taller man walk to the area Benrey was in. Tommy placed a hand on Benrey’s shoulder, Benrey jumped and shoved the hand away but calmed slightly when they saw it was just Tommy. Tommy reached out again and Benrey took his hand, their breathing slightly rapid.

“Got it out your uh, system? Like a big kettle boiling steam?” Tommy asked, Gordon stayed by the doorframe watching and observing. Benrey just stared at the ground, probably didn’t hear what Tommy asked. Blood was splattered on both of them, but a lot more was on Benrey’s shoes and leg. Benrey’s mind was foggy, they were aware of the hand they were holding but nothing else. It was all a blur. Tommy slowly took Benrey into his arms and hugged them, the pressure of his arms around them helped somewhat. Benrey stayed still and steadied their breathing, one arm wrapped around Tommy to hug back and the other hand rested on his chest, the comforting warmth made them feel safer. Gordon watched, silently taking note on how Benrey went from infuriating and acting in anger, to calm and still. Benrey’s eye opened and saw Gordon watching them.

“You just gonna stare at us bro? Gordon Stareman?” Tommy looked behind him and chuckled at Benrey’s comment. Gordon rolled his eyes and attempted to keep down a stifled laugh.

“I was checking on how you were.” He replied.

“Hug?” Benrey asked.

“… You’re getting hugged by Tommy?”

“Join hug? Please?” Benrey and Tommy opened their arms to invite Gordon to join them.

“It’ll make Mr Benrey feel better Mr Freeman!” Tommy said, innocent smile on his face. Gordon can’t say no to Tommy, and apparently Benrey either. Gordon let out a sigh and walked over, he wrapped his arms around both Benrey and Tommy, Tommy towering over the both of them and Benrey being the shortest. Benrey seemed to be taking full advantage of being fully encased with hugs from two people, being huddled up into Gordon’s chest while their side pressed against Tommy’s front, Gordon thought it was… _cute_. Really cute.

“Is this normal?” He asked, looking up at Tommy.

“Huh? Yeah, Benrey likes to be hugged after letting out stress. If they trust you that is!” Tommy answered, Benrey’s voice was heard as they let out orbs of sweet voice singing.

“What qualifies as trust to Benrey?” Gordon asked as Benrey continued singing.

“Well, just liking someone in general they might, but I think Benrey and I have the strongest trust! Knowing each other longest while they’ve been here. Yeah Benrey?”

“Wha? Oh, yeah, we’re the bestest friends. Big bros. My player 2.” Benrey mumbled on. Gordon felt… some pang in his chest as they talked about how close they were. Maybe he wanted to be that close too? But, to Benrey? That can’t be right. But what if-

“Yo Feetman, you gonna just stare at us like dis?” Benrey interrupted his thoughts, Gordon blinked and saw the two looking at him. Oops.

“I’m sorry, what were you saying?” Gordon asked. “I blacked out for a minute.” Benrey looked at him, and, a soft smile was on their face.

“Yeah bro, I know the feelin’.” They said, “When your brain just shuts off like a flat Gameboy.” Gordon let out a snort at Benrey’s talk.

“Yeah, yeah something like that I guess.” Gordon said, Benrey snickered and nuzzles further into his chest. Tommy smiled at the sight and at how flustered Gordon’s face was. Gordon guessed he could get used to this. But he still wondered…

“Why were you so, angry?” Gordon asked. Benrey’s breath hitches.

“Well uh, uum. Ya know. Pent up anger and stress bro. Was a good place to let it out.” Benrey replied, keeping their eyes from making contact with his.

“Hm, is that all?” Gordon pressed; Tommy nudged Benrey gently.

“Uh, um. Uhh… yes, um. That is, um all. Uh…!” Benrey pulled away from them and walked out. Gordon raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“O-oh uh… I uh… did not mean to scare them…” Tommy said, hanging his head low feeling guilty. Gordon patted his shoulder.

“You didn’t do anything, I was asking…” Gordon said, Tommy nodded and went to follow Benrey. It still didn’t answer what made Benrey so angry to kick in the dead guard’s face. Gordon looked out the doorframe and Coomer and Bubby were standing there, Bubby looking annoyed as usual and Dr Coomer smiling.

“… What?” Gordon asked.

“Hello Gordon!” Coomer shouted, Gordon just stared.

“Bitch you gonna tell Benrey you have a crush or what?” Bubby said bluntly, Gordon’s jaw would’ve dropped off if it could.

“WHAT?! How the fuck did you jump to that conclusion!?” Gordon exclaimed, his face turning a deep shade of red.

“You can’t stop following him dumbass its obvious.” Bubby said.

“Now Gordon no need to get so defensive, we fully support you being in love.” Dr Coomer added.

“I-I don’t love Benrey, of all the people especially not that guy!”

“Your constant checking on him and hugging at night says otherwise.” Bubby pointed out; Gordon’s face couldn’t get any redder. _So, they knew…_ then again Benrey wasn’t exactly quiet as they went for their walks.

“What’s wrong with wanting to check on him? Tommy and he are like, always close so what’s that logic?” Gordon asked.

“Tommy’s like that with everyone Gordon!” Dr Coomer pointed out.

“Plus, they’ve been friends since Tommy arrived. So, this is his normal behaviour. Yours is not, it’s a little fucked if you’re screwing with their emotions Gordon.” Bubby added. Gordon just sighed and continued walking, they needed to get going anyway. Tommy and Benrey can’t be far behind.

“Think he’ll ever stop denying it?” Coomer asked Bubby, the other just shrugged.

“I dunno he’s pretty fucking dumb.” The old man replied, Coomer just nodded.

-

Benrey laid curled on the ground in cold sweat, a particular nightmare really got to them this time. Their chest tightened painfully with each pounding beat of their heart, they sat up from their sitting position and hugged themselves, shaking slightly. They looked around, their eyes glowed brightly and near white purple orbs escaping their mouth. They noticed something next to them, Benrey looked down and saw… Gordon? Gordon asleep beside them, back to them and so close… did they mean to sleep this close? Benrey scooted closer but froze as Gordon turned over in his sleep, Benrey shivered a little as they stared at his face. While they felt comfortable around them, they were also a little concerned that Gordon was so close to them without notice. The least he could do now was stay up with his good ol’ pal Benrey. Benrey gently shook Gordon awake. Gordon groaned quietly and looked up at Benrey’s glowing, tear swelled, eyes.

“Benrey…? Man, I’m trying to sleep… what’s up…?” Gordon asked, his speech slightly slow due to being tired. Benrey laid down beside him.

“I uh… had an unpog dream bro, need some of dat… protection hug, Gordon Hugman.” Benrey said, their big toothy grin trying to mask how they were feeling. Gordon yawned and was too tired to argue and just did as Benrey said. Pulling the other into a hug. Benrey grinned and nuzzled closer to Gordon, Gordon rested his head on Benrey’s helmet, Benrey was somewhat grateful for the HEV suit otherwise the man might question how their heart is beating so fast.

“Is that better?” Gordon asked, his eyes drooping.

“Yeah bro, super cool.” Benrey replied, curling in Gordon’s arms.

“You going to tell me what’s up?” Gordon continued to ask. Benrey groaned and buried their face into Gordon’s chest.

“Why man… why ya gotta… ask me dis shit I’m too tired…”

“You woke me.”

“Theeeeen lets go back to sleeeeep?” Benrey said, giving Gordon what was supposed to be puppy eyes. Gordon snorted slightly at the attempt to look cute. Gordon holds them closer like a pillow and yawns.

“Sure… sure…” Gordon said as he closed his eyes. Though sleep wasn’t coming as fast as they hoped, the feeling of Gordon’s arms and body was a good substitute for sleep until then.


	4. Night watch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based during the time it was night outside and Benrey had shot a shitton of pigeons

Benrey climbed up on top of the roof of the base, quietly sitting alone and watching the stars. They can’t remember the last time they had been outside; it’s been years. They wanted to take in every moment of it. The roof was much nicer without the massive flock of egg shitting birds sitting there. Benrey leaned back and closed their eyes, thinking.

-

Their mind drifted to another time, before Black Mesa. A time they tried to keep fresh in their head and cherish. In it was the faint memory of how grass felt, they remember it was green, but the feeling was hazy, however what was clear was the feeling of a hand around theirs. Holding Benrey’s hand was a boy, around their past self’s age. It was a rare occasion where Benrey managed to convince him to let them hold his hand, totally not gay at all, Benrey made sure to say no homo for him. Even so, what was wrong with friends holding hands? Girls do it all the time so why can’t they?

Under the tree was the two’s favourite spot. A good way away from their hometown on a hill where you can see the entire area, the tree was tall but still growing, on its trunk was _“Benrey was here”_ written on it, much to the other boy’s protest against cutting into the tree. Benrey relaxed under the gaze of the setting sun with their hand comfortably fitted with the other’s. They wanted that moment to last forever.

-

Benrey opened their eyes when they noticed the sound of footsteps walking towards them, pulling Benrey out of their little daydream. Benrey looked behind and saw Gordon walking towards Benrey.

“Yo Gordie Feetman, ya comin’ over to talk to ya pal Benrey?” Benrey said, Gordon rolled his eyes and sat next to Benrey, dangling his legs over the edge.

“Shut up dude.” Gordon said with a slight chuckle in his voice, Benrey snickered and looked onward at the night sky. Gordon also looked at the stars with the other. The other three were below and having a chat, Gordon was too high to really hear anything they were saying. Benrey wasn’t really bothered to pay any attention. Gordon took his mind off the science team and instead turned it towards Benrey next to him. A small smile appeared onto his face as he watched Benrey smile and their eyes flickering over the stars. It was a nice sight, Benrey’s face lit up in the moonlight as they let their guard down slightly, seemingly more relaxed. Gordon may have stared longer then he cared to admit, Benrey had soon caught on and looked towards him. Gordon looked away and pretended to have been looking at the sky, his cheeks heating up. Benrey let out a snicker at the man.

“Gordon Gayman starin’ at his ol’ pal Benrey? Can’t resist lookin’ at this mug?” Benrey teased.

“Dear god shut up.” Gordon said as he tried to not laugh at Benrey’s weird comment. Benrey smiled as they made Gordon laugh a little. It was a nice laugh, even if at time it was just a wheeze of air escaping his mouth.

“You come out here often?” Gordon asked, taking Benrey out of their thoughts.

“Wha?” Benrey looked at Gordon.

“Like, at night, if you take night shifts do you come out here to look at the sky often?” Gordon elaborated. Benrey’s eyes seem distant as they were processing what he had just said, they took a minute before their eyes lit up.

“Oh! Um, nope, I haven’t been out of there in years! First time bein’ out here since I came here bro!” Benrey answered with a big toothy grin. Gordon just stared at them for a minute. They’ve been stuck inside for YEARS?

“Um, why haven’t you been outside in years? The fuck? You seem friendly with people here man.” Gordon asked, Benrey shrugged.

“They never wanted me to leave bro, was too valuable.” Benrey boasted, Gordon let out a little laugh but continued to wonder what the real reason is.

“Do you not want to tell me?” Gordon asked, Benrey’s face changed to a look of surprise.

“Wha? Uh um, what do you mean bro?” Benrey asked.

“You know what I mean, the whole, nightmares. Did something happen here?” Gordon asked.

“Damn man, that’s a lil uh… lil deep bro. Gonna need a… passport for that shit.” Benrey said, Gordon tried to not laugh mostly due to thinking they’re possibly trying to hide something personal, but their speech is still amusing.

“I um, afraid I still don’t have my passport.” Gordon chuckled. Benrey nodded and pulled their legs up, resting their head on their knees.

“I can offer a hug though?” Gordon continued. Benrey’s eyes lit up and they scooted closer to Gordon which made him smile and put his arm around Benrey’s shoulders.

“Poggers bro.”

“Benrey please shut up.” Gordon chuckled.

“No uh, no can do bro. Ya got premium commentary edition Benrey.” Benrey said, grinning at Gordon as he tried to not laugh.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Gordon asked, Benrey laughed a little and leaned on Gordon, resting their head on his shoulder. The HEV suit made it more difficult to get comfortable but with Gordon being so close, Benrey couldn’t care less. It was perfect. They wanted to stay like this forever.

“Yo Feetman?”

“Yes?”

“Do you, remember much from before uh, workin’ here bro?” Benrey asked, Gordon raised his eyebrow at that.

“I mean, yeah? Went to college and shit to get a degree to work here. Not a lot of exciting stuff.”

“No no I mean like, uh… when ya were a lil Feetman, tiny feet boy.”

“You mean when I was a child?”

“Yeah that!” Benrey grinned wider. Gordon wondered why this was so important right now? Maybe they were just wanting to get to know him better?

“I um, I dunno man. I just… fuck man I don’t remember much if I’m being honest.” Gordon said.

“Oh… Okay, nothin’, nothin’ special bro? No _one_ special?” Benrey said, their tone dropping from excitement to disappointment.

“Um, no not really. I uh, guess I met my ex-wife but even then. I was like nearing 17?” Gordon answered.

“W-Wife? The fuck bro?” Benrey coughed up some dark pink to black sweet voice. Gordon was about to ask but Benrey continued talking.

“No one else? Not a single person from your uh, um, shitty cringe small years was worth remembering?”

Now they seemed upset.

“Um, Benrey can you calm down a little? I genuinely can’t remember a lot of my childhood.” Gordon removed his arm from Benrey’s shoulders. Benrey shivered a little at feeling Gordon’s warmth leave them.

“But, but bro… I…”

“Hey Mr Freeman! We should uh, should get going!” The two look down to see Tommy who was shouting up.

“Yes Gordon! We wouldn’t want to lose too much time!” Coomer added. Gordon sighed and nodded.

“Alright! I’ll be right there! C’mon Benrey…” Gordon got up and went back down to the science team. Benrey sighed and rubbed their temple, emotions building up in that they do not want to feel at this moment. Benrey got up and jumped off, with a crash they got up without a scratch and jogged after the science team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for short chap, final year and brain not working :/


	5. Bad Idea

_Everything hurt. Every part of Benrey’s body ached in pain, they just wanted to hide and rest. At least for a few days. Or forever. Benrey’s chest burned through their laboured breathing, resting against the wall and sitting on the hard-cold floor. The concrete lightly stained in blood as it dripped out Benrey’s nose and mouth, Benrey did not bother to spit or wipe their mouth so they just let the blood dribble down their chin and onto the floor._

_“B-Benrey...!?” Benrey flinched fearfully and lifted their head and looked up at the tall man above, oh, it was just Tommy… phew… Benrey let go of the air they were holding in and hugged themselves, their body shaking terribly. Tommy knelt down immediately and took the other into his arms gently, minding the possible bruises Benrey no doubt has._

_“No f-fair bro… they uh… didn’t give me a c-chance man… just jumped me…” Benrey chuckled weakly, they buried their face into Tommy’s chest, Tommy shook with worry and kept them close to him, his arms protectively around Benrey’s weak frame._

_“I-I’m so s-s-sorry…! I… I wasn’t there in time…” Tommy said, his voice breaking. Benrey petted his arm._

_“D-don’t be… You’re here now bro…” Benrey replied, a small sob escaped their throat as Tommy provided them much needed comfort and safety. Tommy gently stroked Benrey’s head, he felt his stomach drop as he felt dried blood and a large gash on their head, their hair mattered in sweat, blood and grease._

_“Y-You need a wash… a-and some ice packs…” Tommy said, Benrey groaned in protest. They just wanted to rest before any of them came back to continue tormenting them._

_“I’ll keep watch o-out the door… I w-won’t let anything happen… but please… Y-You need to take care of y-yourself…” Tommy continued, the worry and sadness in his voice made it impossible for Benrey to object._

_“Fiiiiiine… But this is… is not poggers man…” Benrey whined, Tommy slowly got up and helped them get to their feet. Benrey looped their arm around Tommy’s shoulder for support, they hissed in pain as their fresh cuts and bruises throbbed with pain._

_“I-It’ll be o-okay…” Tommy said as he walked with them. Benrey nodded and had a small smile. Tommy was nice. Good friend._

Benrey opened their eyes and yawned, they cracked their back as they sat up, the floor fucking sucked to sleep on, you’d think after years of doing so they’d be used to it by now. Apparently, their joints wanted to state otherwise. Everyone was still asleep, cringe of them, sleeping in with their weak ass bodies needing a lot of rest. Benrey’s eyes averted towards Gordon sleeping against the wall, they felt their chest tighten. Was a strange feeling, Benrey knew they had felt something for Gordon years ago and it’s still there, but Gordon doesn’t. Pretending he had no memory of it. That’s just fucking rude. How could he just forget it all? Benrey remembers most of it, at least they hoped so. Are humans just really forgettable? Or was, or were they just so unimportant that he forgot them? Forgot Benrey? Benrey felt their chest ache, they got up and went for a short walk while the others slept to clear their head.

Tommy was the second to wake up, they yawned quietly and sat up. The cold hard floor made his joints ached a little, but it was fine, he looked around and noticed Benrey had wandered off. Again. Tommy got to his feet to start searching for him before the science team woke up, he needs to get Benrey to stop leaving so much, they could get hurt. Tommy’s eyes darted around the facility as he walked, hoping to not miss Benrey at any corner. Benrey was good at hiding when they wanted to.   
Benrey was leaning against a wall in what seemed to be an office, they heard the door open and jolted towards it with their gun in hand.

“W-wait…!” Tommy yelled, Benrey’s eyes widened and immediately put the gun away.

“S-sorry bro, you uh, tryin’ to sneak up on me there?” They asked.

“N-no sorry I was uh, looking for you.” Tommy explained. “You had disappeared a-and I was worried…” Tommy walked over and sat on the desk next to where Benrey was standing. Even when he was sitting, he was a little taller than Benrey. But then again Benrey could just shapeshift.

“Oh uh… sorry bro wasn’t um… meanin’ to scare ya, I just, thought no one would be awake by now. Weak humans and their um… sleeping needs.” Benrey said, Tommy smiled a little. 

“What you doing away from the group anyway…? More nightmares?” Tommy asked.

“Um… yeah sort of, I guess. Cringe memories. I… just can’t believe Gordie doesn’t remember me… he has to! T-there’s no way he forgot… we were such great friends…” Benrey said, Tommy stayed quiet to listen.

“We… we were such great friends… We had only each other and he was everything… I thought I was his super gamer friend… I was his player 2 and he was my player 1… identical custom controllers…” Benrey sighed and covered their face. “He… he keeps getting angry… it used to be funny… it was something we’d joke about and do… but now h-he’s uh… um… genuinely hating me.” Benrey looked away, Tommy pulled them close and held them against his chest. Benrey hugged him back, they were stressed. Tommy stroked their back and rocked slowly.

“I-Its probably just… really stressful night now…” Tommy said, Benrey nodded a little.

“O-okay bro…”

-

Benrey stormed through the halls, dark red orbs randomly splurting out of their mouth, stupid fucking doctor Freeman getting mad at them for everything. Bubby who was next to them seemed to also be steaming. Though it could be his strange fire powers. Who knows.

“Dumb fucking Gordon constantly fucking up.” Bubby mumbled. Benrey nodded at him.

“He’s acting like he has the fucking run of the place! Has control over us and everything.” Bubby rambled on. Benrey’s heart began to speed up.

“N-No, he can’t be like them. That’d be, pretty not poggers man. Be cringe if he was like everyone else…” Benrey said. Bubby groaned.

“Oh please. He’s a normal human. Like he could ever care about us.” Bubby said, Benrey continued walking, feeling nauseous.

“Just wait, he’ll just fucking hurt us like everyone else does here.”

“N-no…! He, he uh um… never…” Benrey began to shake, the thought that Gordon would. Do those things, they refused to believe that. But Bubby had also been around for a long time, longer then Benrey and also suffered the horrific system layout of Black Mesa.

“We could get him out the way and make him pay a little for it.” Bubby continued, Benrey stopped and looked at him.

“Wha? How?” They asked. “Wouldn’t that make him hate us more?”

“It’ll show him not to fuck up so much.”

“What the fuck are they mumbling about?” Gordon said to himself, however Tommy had heard.

“Oh um, I d-don’t know Mr Freeman.” He answered.

“You know what, I don’t even care anymore.” Gordon said as he walked off, Tommy gulped a little. He had a bad feeling about all this. Tommy watched Gordon and Coomer leave through the hall and went over to Benrey who was walking on their own. Bubby hurrying to join Dr Coomer and glare at Gordon.

“H-Hey…” Tommy said, Benrey looked behind them as they walked.

“Oh, hey Tommy!” Benrey exclaimed. The two continued walking but a bit away from the group.

“W-What were you and uh, um Bubby talking about?” Tommy asked, Benrey smacked their lips and shrugged.

“Just stuff bro.”

“Benrey… no, you’re hiding s-s-something.” Tommy looked down at them, Benrey tried to avoid Tommy’s anxious gaze.

“Well um, just, uh… ya know, Bubby said he can uh, find a way to um make sure Gordon also hates everyone here! A-And uh, see they’re bad. Ya know bro?”

“W-What?! B-Benrey t-t-they’ll hurt him…!” Tommy argued.

“So!? H-he can just, recover like we’ve all done. I got crushed by a fucking door and you all left m-me! That was, pretty uncool.”

“I-I didn’t want to do that…! I f-felt so awful but y-you’d of come back, w-we had to keep moving…!” Tommy felt tears swell in his eyes, Benrey’s sweet voice escaped their mouth with dark orange colours.

“You still left me…! Everyone’s b-been nothing b-but big, big cringe meanies! Especially HIM!” Benrey bit at their hand. Tommy gently grasped Benrey’s hand and held it tightly and shushed them.

“Calm down… You’re getting too m-mad.” Tommy said, Benrey’s breathing was fast and uneasy, Tommy could see they were scared. “Why would you even, trust to go see them to make any form of deal…? They’re not trustworthy.”

“Just, bro it’ll be okay… you’ll see! It’ll, all be fine.” Benrey moved out of Tommy’s grip and walked off. Tommy sighed and followed the team.


	6. Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Betrayal act time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that things aren't following the original story exactly but, you know, felt like it. :3

Gordon was on edge through the walk, Benrey was being both more distant but also more pushy? They would try to get closer and make the weird insult here and there, but the next Benrey was keeping away and whispering to Bubby. Dr Coomer said to not be worried about it as Bubby is grumpy and rude all the time anyway. But it didn’t help the sickening feeling in his stomach, Bubby seems to fucking hate him and if Benrey’s now teaming up along with their weird friendliness with the military guards, it doesn’t feel good. Tommy has been hanging back as well, that was the most concerning. Separating Benrey and Tommy seemed impossible, yet now Tommy seems nervous and avoidant from Benrey.

Gordon went over to Tommy and gently tapped him on the shoulder, Tommy jumped and pointed the gun at him. “O-oh hi Mr Freeman!”

Gordon put his hands up and backed up. “Whoa whoa put the gun down!” He exclaimed. Tommy lowered the gun. Gordon was still tense as he looked up at the taller man.

“So um, what’s up with Benrey?” Gordon asked, Tommy’s face paled and he rubbed the back of his neck.

“I um. Uh, t-t-they’re um… I-I think they’re just um, stressed Mr Freeman!” Tommy lied, trying to grin. Gordon raised his eyebrow at the other man.

“What’s actually going on?” Gordon asked again. Tommy gulped and started shaking his hands.

“Um uh um… um..! Uh I uh um…!” Tommy looked around and refused to meet Gordon’s eyes, visibly getting really stressed out.

“Hey, Tommy man clam down, its okay.” Gordon tried to reassure him, feeling guilty for making Tommy upset. “I’m sorry I’m just, worried. You know?” Gordon said. Tommy nodded but stayed quiet.

“Hey! You uh! Being bitch to my best friend Tommy?” Both Tommy and Gordon jumped a little at Benrey shouting at them.

“Fuckin’ lil, forgetful shithead thinking he can uh, boss people around?” Benrey continued.

“What the fuck are you on about?” Gordon asked, Benrey crossed their arms and huffed.

“Wow, fucking cringe, Gordon Forgetman, completely uh, wiped your brain. Its cool. Its fine.” Tommy went over to Benrey and pulled them away, Gordon was just standing there confused as hell. Gordon followed, Dr Coomer and Bubby chatting at the front, Benrey grumbling and muttering to Tommy. He really wanted to know what Benrey was talking about, but he really can’t remember ever knowing them. Gordon would assume he’d of remembered a guy like Benrey, blue tinted skin, sharp claws, one yellow eye and one black eye with a glowing yellow pupal and razor-sharp teeth. But then again… he struggled with a lot of memories. A lot of his childhood was gone to him, it was like he didn’t have much of one. Random memories pop up but not a lot of them are good. Maybe he could open up to Benrey about them, they might feel like they can be more open if Gordon does the same? Or maybe Benrey will just make fun of him.

Its not like they’re all mean to Gordon enough as it is.

-

Gordon had to take a moment to sit away from the group, Bubby’s constant yelling and accusing was getting a bit too much. The screaming and shouting, it was too familiar. Too much, it made his head spin and his ears ring. He couldn’t think at all.

Then the constant ringing of gunshots at moths, just to get SOME sort of normality he begged at screamed for SOME sense, the noise and screaming, over and over and over after hours and hours of overwhelming occurrences. He sat on the balcony and had his hands over his face, shaking.

Tommy shoved Benrey to the direction of Gordon.

“Yo what the hell man!?” Benrey said as they looked at Tommy.

“M-Mr Freeman is uh, very sad… You should um, go t-t-talk to him!” Tommy said, Benrey looked up at the balcony Gordon was curled up on.

“But… but bro he…”

“He’s s-scared Benrey… W-we all are, we j-just wanna get out. M-Mr Freeman is here to h-help us!” Tommy said, Benrey rubbed their arm and scratched at the fabric.

“Fine… fine, poggers, will be uh, be good person. Be big good. Get uh, good friend achievement.” Benrey said, they got up and went to climb up the stairs. Bubby and Coomer stepping on the dead moths on the group below. Benrey looked over at Gordon, the man was curled up and shaking, small whines escaping his mouth as his hands were on his head. He seemed in genuine pain. But why? He didn’t get shot? Benrey walked over to Gordon and sat down beside him. Gordon was shaking and hugging himself, his eyes tight shut and rocking.

“Yo, you uh, look a bit fucked up.” Benrey said. Gordon let out a choked sob.

“G-Go away… I can’t handle being yelled at or antagonised right now…” Gordon said, Benrey scooted closer and put their arm around Gordon’s shoulders.

“No yellin’ here bro, its all good.” Benrey said, Gordon was tense and trembling. Benrey pulled him closer so his head was resting against their shoulder.

“Its okay bro, what’s gotten you all uh, fucked up?” Benrey asked, Gordon sighed.

“Its… the um… the constant noise and shouting. I just couldn’t take it much more… It was getting too much…” Gordon looked away from Benrey, feeling ashamed of himself.

“So Gordie’s having a uh, lil panic bro? Its uh, getting bad thoughts?” Benrey said, Gordon snickered a little. “Something like that…” Gordon replied.

“So uh, always had um that or? Like, you got it from, bad people?” Benrey continued. Gordon looked at them.

“Its not like anyone cares…”

“Yo that’s mean, I care, cringe baby idiot.” Benrey stroked the back of Gordon’s head.

“Heh… um… its both…? A lot of noise and shouting can get, very overwhelming to me… But it also, gets amped up by how much I got screamed at as a kid… from what I’m able to remember…” Gordon said, leaning more into Benrey.

“Who screamed at lil Gordo? Why’d they yell at the tiny lad?” Benrey asked.

“Heh… I um, really struggle to remember… I just, got yelled at a lot… and school sucked man.” Gordon continued, Benrey kept petting his head.

“You uh, had any um, friends in school bro?” Benrey asked. Gordon tensed again, worried if he said something wrong Benrey would go off again.

“Um… I can’t remember.” Was all he said, Gordon doesn’t remember being close to Benrey’s chest, but he noticed it when their heart began to speed up. Shit he said something wrong.

“Um, I, really need to get checked for that…” Gordon said.

“Mhmm… yeah, you uh, should do that…” Benrey said, their tone lower then usual.

“Listen man I just want to get out… We can figure shit out after…” Gordon said, Benrey nodded and rested their head on his head.

Tommy was watching from below the balcony, silently hoping this would prevent whatever Bubby and Benrey had planned, he just wanted to get out, everyone to get out and free form this place.

“Don’t worry Tommy! Soon we’ll be out of here and we can get back to living normally!” Dr Coomer said as he saw Tommy’s concern.

“Y-You and Mr Freeman a-are the only ones w-with a life outside of here…” Tommy said, Dr Coomer gave his back a pat.

“But then you can join us! Professor Bubby will come with me to learn about real life! You and Benrey could go with Dr Freeman!”

“DOCTOR!” Bubby corrected. Dr Coomer snickered and smirked at the other old man. Bubby grumbled and looked up at where Gordon and Benrey were.

“HEY! Are you two done fucking cuddling!? I want to go!” Bubby yelled. Gordon jumped from the yell and groaned, he did not want to get out. Benrey got up and helped Gordon up to his feet. Gordon smiled at Benrey. “Thanks… for caring…” Gordon went to the stairs and climbed down. Benrey felt their heart throb, they hurried down to the others and met with Bubby’s glare.

Gordon went with Dr Coomer and Tommy back into the facility. Benrey looked over at Bubby and their eyes glowed, Bubby motioned them to follow as they went back with the team.

-

Tommy stood in horror as he stared at the blood covering the tiles, Benrey watched as the soldiers carried Gordon away. Bubby struggling against the soldiers as they carried him away to be taken to his tube, Dr Coomer had already run off to safety. At least Tommy hoped so. But Benrey. Benrey. Tommy looked at Benrey, his body trembling and eyes full of fear.

“H-How could you…!?” Tommy cried, Benrey looked up at him, seemingly just as shocked.

“Bro I uh! That wasn’t meant to happen! I didn’t know they were uh, gonna chop of his fucken arm!” Benrey panicked, they tried to walk over to Tommy, but he backed away.

“N-no! You, you hurt M-Mr Freeman! H-he was going t-t-to help us get out! W-why did you do this…!?” Tommy’s eyes began to water with tears. Benrey saw a soldier walk up behind Tommy, gun in hands.

“TOMMY!” Benrey grabbed their gun and shot the soldier in the face, Tommy jumped and tried to run to Benrey, soldiers surrounding them both.

“Oh shit.” Benrey muttered. “Yo bro, you gotta run!” Benrey started shooting soldiers and taking shots for Tommy. Tommy ran with Benrey close behind, Tommy could hear Benrey’s screams of pain as bullets shot through them, but he kept running like he was told. Tommy made it to a vent and slide in, he turned around to see if Benrey was behind, they weren’t. They were gone. The soldiers continued firing as Tommy was forced to rush deeper into the vents for safety. He was alone. Everyone was gone.

Tommy dropped out of the vent into another room, he laid exhausted on the ground panting, tears falling and his heart pounded in his ears. Tommy didn’t mean to get angry, but he was scared, he was worried. He just lost his friend, he and Benrey were going to get out and be freed from this place.

“W-what if we n-never do…?”

-

_“Hey Benrey!” Benrey lifted their head from the tree they were resting on, they rubbed their eyes and yawned._

_“Wha…?” Benrey looked to see a boy walking to them, their friend. Best bro._

_“Y-Yooo! What’s up?” Benrey asked. The other sat beside them._

_“Dude you didn’t tell me you came over here, was looking for you for hours, you didn’t come to school.” Benrey felt their cheeks redden and looked away._

_“S-sorry bro, was uh, not feeling best, wanted to uh, come here…” Benrey said, the boy gave them a pat on the back._

_“Hey its okay man, I was, just worried… were, they being mean again?” He asked, Benrey nodded. The other wrapped his arms around Benrey comfortingly._

_“It’ll be okay…” He said._

_“As long as, we’re best bros forever?” Benrey asked._

_“Yeah Benrey, forever. Can’t ever forget someone like you.” Benrey smiled at him._

_“Thanks bro, I’ll never forget you either. We’re uh, matching controllers in the same Playstation set.” Benrey said, the boy laughed and agreed._

_-_

“Never forget…” Benrey muttered to themselves, alone in the corner curled up and cold. Blood soaking their clothes as it dripped out their wounds. Their eyes dimly lit as they tried to aim teal green heal beans at their body.

“Forever…”


	7. You were my friend...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of a flashback/past chap more then anything. Just felt like it :3  
> Benrey and Gordon's childhood friendship needed some attention, I am planning on making that its own story or a comic. Depends.

_The school grounds were noisy and crowded. Why couldn’t they let them stay in the classroom where everyone’s gone? Why do they have to go outside with everyone else? Everyone just picked on them or looked at them funny…_

_“Not my fault I look a bit shit…” Benrey mumbled to themselves, they didn’t care about how they just used a bad word. No one was around to hear them. They looked at their hands, skin very pale and sharp nails that grew back the next day no matter how short they tried to cut them. They sighed and hid their hands in the pockets of their hoodie. A ten-year-old should have some friends at this point, but no, no one wanted to be their friend. No matter how hard they tried, Benrey continued to be excluded or picked on. Sure, people found them funny sometimes when they’re being a nuisance in class, but no one saw that as friend material. Maybe they were laughing AT them instead of WITH them… Benrey’s gaze went up as they froze, a group of taller kids had snuck up behind them and grabbed them by the hoodie._

_“H-Hey!” Benrey yelled as they struggled. Students in different year levels weren’t meant to interact, at least that’s what they told Benrey. But then again no one interacted with them. Expect when its to do this! The older kids laughed at their squirming, Benrey managed to twist around and clamped their sharp teeth in the kid’s arm that was grabbing them. The older one screamed in pain as Benrey’s fangs sank right into the skin and blood started leaking out the puncture._

_“Get off m-me!!” Benrey yelled as they got out of their grip. Only to be punched in the stomach and kicked to the group by other members of the older group. Benrey wheezed and tried to cover their head as they felt another kick to the shins. They laughed, the older ones were laughing at Benrey’s crying frame, hoping for it to stop._

_“Hey!!” Another voice was heard, Benrey didn’t pay much attention to it until they noticed there weren’t any more kicks. Instead the screams were coming from the attackers. Benrey looked up and saw someone had grabbed a metal pole and was wacking the older students with it, the cowards couldn’t handle someone standing up to them and had ran off with bruises on them from getting beaten with a pole._

_Benrey coughed and held their stomach in pain, they looked up at the kid who just saved them. The kid offered their hand to them, Benrey shook a little in fear but took the hand._

_“Are you okay…?” They asked, Benrey had no idea what they were. Benrey nodded and wiped blood off their cheek._

_“Um, t-thanks.” Benrey said._

_“No problem.” The kid replied, Benrey observed them a little more, they were MUCH taller, but Benrey recognised them from next door to their classroom so they were in the same year level._

_“Uh, um, what’s your name…?” Benrey awkwardly asked. Feeling a bit intimidated by how small they were compared to the other kid._

_“Oh um, Gordon.” Okay, that’s a boy’s name. right?_

_“A-ah okay! So um, you’re a boy?” Benrey said. The other kid, Gordon, nodded fast, his lips grew into a big smile. That seemed to make him happy._

_“Yep! I’m a uh, a boy.” Gordon said, Benrey smiled. They made someone happy. That’s a good feeling. They wanted to do that again._

_“Cool! You’re uh, very cool boy!” Benrey said, Gordon chuckled. Gordon was very cool, he was larger than Benrey both in height and weight, his face round with very green eyes and glasses. His hair was tied back in a ponytail and wore a baggy jumper with long pants. Seemed a bit warm to be wearing a jumper, maybe he didn’t like being cold?_

_“And um, you?” Gordon asked._

_“Benrey!”_

_“Benrey? I’ve never heard of that name.”_

_“Well its MY name, special name, only me name.” Benrey grinned, they tugged on their beanie with excitement. Someone was talking to them! Smiling at them!_

_But the stupid bell had to ring, Gordon groaned loudly._

_“I hate going to class!” He complained, Benrey nodded in agreement, they were mostly just sad that their chance at a friend was suddenly being taken awa-_

_“We should um, see you at lunch?” Gordon suddenly asked. Benrey didn’t know what to say, their brain just stopped and stared. Did he just ask to see them again?_

_“… Hello?” Gordon waved a hand in front of them. Benrey shook their head and grinned, showing their sharp fangs._

_“Yes!! M-Meet back here??” Benrey said, Gordon smiled and nodded before hurrying to class. Benrey couldn’t stop smiling, they were going o be best friends! And Gordon was good at keeping big meanies away._

_-_

It was dark, really dark. Painfully dark… or was it just the BURNING PAIN THAT A FUCKING LIMB WAS REMOVED!? Probably the limb removal.

Gordon tried to not think about it as he laid on the cold floor, holding his stubbed arm to his chest. It was hard to not think about it though, it had only just happened. The pain was fresh, the memory was hazy through parts, but it was still clear enough despite the stressful battle of Coomer clones. It was very hard to calm down to rest, he was feeling extreme rage and hurt over it all, the act itself was painful enough. But the emotional pain of being betrayed really got to him.

Tommy had been crying and apologizing profusely after getting Dr Coomer cleaned up from the large splatters of blood due to the bullet wound Tommy shot him. A lot. Gordon needed to rest, his heart was racing, and his head was pounding. Tommy and Dr Coomer sat beside Gordon and kept watch, Tommy grabbed a shirt from a clone and ripped the fabric before wrapping it around Gordon’s arm stump. Dr Coomer was able to rip another line of fabric to tie the shirt around so it wouldn’t fall off. That should help a little.

“I-I’m so sorry Mr Freeman…!” Tommy cried.

“I-its okay Tommy… You didn’t do anything… Bubby and Benrey however…!” Gordon hissed.

“Ah yes, they did quite the betrayal, didn’t they?” Dr Coomer said, Gordon nodded and struggled to keep his eyes open.

“Y-y-you should r-rest Mr Freeman… w-we’ll keep watch like uh, like a mama bear watching her cubs.” Tommy said, Gordon couldn’t help but chuckle before hissing at the pain his arm was radiating.

“Goodnight Gordon!” Dr Coomer said, Tommy shushed him and leaned against the wall, his eyes red from the crying. Gordon wanted to comfort the taller man, but he was exhausted and in so much pain. Maybe after a rest he can deal with the situation more rationally…

-

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

_Gordon groaned in bed as he heard a tapping against his bedroom window._

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

_What time was it? Jeeze it was 5 in the morning! What the hell could be at his window at this time? Gordon slumped off his bed and quickly put on a hoodie before he went over to the window, he opened them and almost screamed._

_“Benrey!?” He whispered. He stared in shock at the other. Benrey’s face was squished against the window while their clawlike nails finger was tapping at the glass. Gordon opened the window so they could climb into his room._

_“W-why are you here? Its 5 in the morning…!” Gordon whispered, Benrey ignored his question and hugged him tightly, Gordon was about to question them more when he heard a small sob come from Benrey._

_Oh…_

_“T-They… hurt you again…?” Gordon asked, Benrey nodded and sobbed more. Gordon took them to his bed and they sat down, Benrey curled up in Gordon’s arms and buried their face into Gordon’s chest. Gordon held Benrey close and stroked their head, Benrey had their beanie on as always._

_“What did they do…?” Gordon asked, Benrey snuffled._

_“H-hit me…” Benrey said._

_“Where…?”_

_“M-my arm…” Gordon nodded and tried to lay Benrey down, Benrey panicked and clung to Gordon tighter._

_“H-hey… I’m getting something for your arm, please…?” Gordon whispered, Benrey sobbed but let go, Gordon placed a pillow into their arms to hug while he quickly snuck to the bathroom._

_This was the tenth time this year, they only met a year ago but the little 12-year-old Benrey just couldn’t stand being home when they have Gordon’s house instead, they were good at hiding. If only Gordon let them stay…_

_Benrey sniffed and looked around the room, still the same as before. Some pink covers, wardrobe kept well shut, a few toys on the floor, white walls and carpet, it wasn’t a lot but maybe Gordon just didn’t ask or much._

_Gordon cautiously crept through the house as he reached the freezer, he tried to open the door as silently as he could before yanking the icepack and hurried back to his room. Gordon wrapped the icepack in a flannel and sat by Benrey. Benrey moved their sleeve up so Gordon could apply the ice to the large bruise on their arm. They shouldn’t be dealing with this, no child should. Benrey tried to relax into Gordon’s arms but they were scared, they didn’t want to go back home. Gordon yawned and rested his head on Benrey’s pompom on their beanie. Benrey can worry about that later, for now… just having their bestest bro with them was enough…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully that was good enough,,  
> I'm planning on making a discord server to meet more hlvrai fans, chat, share art and stories (and dsaf if anyone's also a fan of that) so let me know?  
> Head to my tumblr or Instagram for art or to DM me:  
> https://springtrapprime1983.tumblr.com/  
> https://www.instagram.com/springtrapprime/?hl=en


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Warning of gore and self harm)  
> So sorry for lack of updates I've had serious writer's block on what the hell to do. Along with being pretty busy.

“Mr Freeman? Mr Freeman?”

Gordon groaned and rubbed his head, he looked over at Tommy who was calling him.

“What…? Sorry, I didn’t hear…” Gordon mumbled. Tommy worriedly looped Gordon’s arm around his shoulders to support him.

“I said w-we’re almost o-out of this room…” Tommy said, Gordon let out a huge sigh of relief. Hopefully it’ll be a step closer to getting out of Black Mesa, maybe they’ll run into Bubby or Benrey so he could strangle them.

“Good… Good… I just hope there’s a medical kit nearby…” Gordon mumbled, Tommy nodded and helped him walk on.

“Hello Gordon!” Dr Coomer shouted, Gordon waved with his left hand and smiled weakly.

-

Benrey felt themselves being torn apart, the anger and rage boiling in their stomach that turned into hot red sweet voice that bursted from Benrey’s mouth. The look on Gordon’s face, the blood splattering everywhere, the screams of pain. That wasn’t meant to happen, he wasn’t meant to get that badly hurt. Just show Gordon how bad the military is, how bad everyone is, that Benrey was right to kill everyone. But now he hates Benrey, he hates who was supposed to be his best friend. Benrey let out a scream and dug their claws into their arm, digging the nails deep into their skin and dragged up their arm, warm blood trickling down the wounds. Black and red balls surrounding them as they cried and screeched.

“Psst!” Benrey froze and snapped their head towards whoever made that noise, oh shit.

“… The fuck are you doin’ here? Gonna uh, gonna just beat me up?” Benrey snarled at Forzen who was standing by the bars. Forzen rolled his eyes and glared down at Benrey.

“Not this time, got to uh, thought you’d like to be let out. You cryin’ like a lil bitchbaby eh?” He teased.

"Shut the fuck up..." Benrey mumbled, they covered their arm and turned away, still shaking.

“You uh, gotta go get your lil boyfriend? Seemed to of uh, lost his arm there.” Forzen leaned against the bars, grinning evily.

“I…! Shut up!” Benrey snarled.

“And what’s so special about that uh… that it got ya cryin’ over what happened?” Forzen asked, Benrey huffed and looked down.

“N-none of your business!” Benrey said.

“Yooou’re the one stuck in here man, could uh, could help ya out but you’re so mean.” Forzen shrugged, Benrey growled.

“Why are you here…” Benrey mumbled, hugging themselves.

“Thought, uh, you’d appreciate some help out.” He replied.

“And why would… you do that? Thought you were military, idiot. Bootlicker.” Benrey scoffed.

“Always get uh, left out, no one fuckin’ cares bro. But uh, well Gordon was mean, but his friend Tommy was nice. Gettin’ you out would uh, make him happy.”

“OH. So, this isn’t uh! Even about me! You don’t change this is why we’re not friends anymore!” Benrey snapped.

“Wha?! You uh…! You the one that ditched me!” Forzen snapped back. Benrey glared and stood up.

“After YOU decided to join the uh! Bullshit military! Knowing what they do to us!” Benrey felt their blood boil. Forzen just stood there, scowling.

“Do you want uh…! Want out or not!?” Forzen asked loudly. Benrey huffed and crossed their arms.

“Yes.” Was all they said. Forzen sighed and broke the lock, kicking the bar door down.

“Was that so hard?” The man said, Benrey walked out the cell, pushing past Forzen’s shoulder. Forzen turned to where Benrey was walking.

“I was going to come back for you guys.” He said. Benrey paused for a moment before turning slightly to look at him from the corner of their eye.

“Whatever.” Was all they muttered before heading off, soon out of sight.

(After Bubby’s out of the test tube)

Tommy was becoming very overwhelmed with how much everyone would argue, he tried over and over to get everyone to calm down and just stop but Bubby always had something to pitch in, adding fuel to Gordon’s rage. He sat alone in a corner quietly crying to himself, he just wanted to get out, he wanted his friends to be safe, but nothing was working, Tommy felt like a failure. He felt like he let everyone down. He let his friend get hurt, he lost Benrey, everyone was fighting and arguing.

Usually Tommy was the one comforting someone, especially Benrey. But now he wished so bad that someone was there for him, hugging him and telling him it’ll be okay.

“Tommy…?” Gordon said, peaking his head around the corner. Tommy looked up and rubbed his eyes, sniffling.

“Y-Yes Mr Freeman?” He asked, Gordon walked over and sat down beside Tommy. Tommy’s hands resting on his head, tears still swelling in his eyes. Gordon worriedly looks over Tommy and puts his hand over Tommy’s. Tommy’s breath hitched at feeling another’s touch, he looked up and held Gordon’s hand.

“Are you okay…?” Gordon asked, Tommy nodded and looked down.

“I-I’m fine, Mr Freeman.” He muttered, Gordon felt his chest ache at seeing Tommy sad, after all he’s done to try and help.

“Tommy… you don’t look fully fine.” Gordon said, Tommy sighed.

“I uh, I’ll be fine. Please.” Tommy said. His heart was aching, feeling like Gordon was judging him. But the feeling of Gordon’s hand on his, comforting him.

“Actually… I… I’d like a hug…” Tommy mumbled, Gordon nodded and brought the taller man closer to him, wrapped him in his arms. Tommy sighed contently and hugged Gordon tightly. Gordon tried his best to comfort Tommy, but he only had one hand to work with, he gently stroked the back of the man’s head and rocked side to side. Tommy slowly relaxed into Gordon’s arms, his head resting against his shoulder.

“I’m sorry everything… has been so fucked.” Gordon said, Tommy nodded, feeling emotionally too tired to respond.

“Do you… need us to stop and rest for a bit?” Gordon asked. Tommy nodded and yawned, wanting to stay in the embrace just a bit longer.


End file.
